My New Life is Lonely.

I don't have my support beam anymore. But that's my own fault, and I guess I need to accept that it isn't coming back.

My new life is lonely. Even when I'm out with my family, I feel alone. I send messages that don't get responses to... that should teach me that things aren't going back to what I once knew. Life as I knew it is over. I need to turn away and look to something else as a support beam.

How could you do this to me, I wonder. How could you be the catalyst for everything, and then just go away and wash your hands of the whole matter? It's like you don't care to follow my progress anymore. Hell, maybe you don't. Maybe I'm holding onto a dead subject. Perhaps it's time I let it go. I'm sorry I continue to send stupid messages and continue clinging on as if any sort of contact could continue to remain. I know now that it's time to make a clean cut. I know now that I should go ahead and delete it all instead of clinging onto it as if it will magically reappear and be okay again. The fact of the matter is, it won't. I see that now. I'm sorry that I held on, that I'm still holding on, and I'll never bother you again.

I'll finally go ahead tonight and delete it all. I'll finally let go of that last bit of hope and let you have your life back completely and totally. You no longer have to worry about Heather and all her misfortunes. You no longer have to worry about your phone going off and it being another idiotic message from me. You no longer have to deal with logging onto MSN or Skype or Yahoo or whatever stupid messenger exists out there with my name upon it. You no longer have to worry about anything from me. I understand everything now, and I'm sorry that I didn't see the signs sooner.

Know that you will be missed.

My new life is lonely.

I'm lonely.

I need attention.

But no one cares to give it to me.