Snapping at a Pet Peeve.

Discontent Cat is discontent.

When I'm talking to someone, I try my best to let them know when I'm going to be stepping away. I try my hardest not to leave a person hanging in limbo for hours at a stretch wondering when I'm going to be getting back. Why can't I get that same respect from others? They just fucking walk away from me whenever they please, don't bother telling me, and expect me to sit around and wait for however long until they decide to come back.

What am I, a dog? Just tie me up somewhere and walk away and I'll be there whenever you get back? Goddamn.

I recently had a major surgery: my gallbladder was removed. I presently have staples in my stomach that are trying to heal. This means I'm not running at full capacity, especially with the pain medications I've been given to keep the pain at bay. It would be nice of people to not be snapping at me right now about the things I'm currently unable to do. It'd really be nice of people to not be yelling at me because I'm being a bit more self-absorbed than usual. Aren't I allowed to have a few off days? If having a serious surgery isn't a good enough reason for it, I guess next time I should be dying on the floor before I ask for sympathy?

It was a little (actually very upsetting as well as) vexing to know that my cat was receiving more concern than I did when I tripped over him a few days ago. Very hard pill to swallow, that.

I try my best to plan my day around the time I get to spend with the people who matter most to me. I often blow off things I want to do (or even neglect to sleep) so I can get the most time I can with people when I want to spend time with them. And I'm learning that I'm the only one who bases her schedule this way. Everyone else bases their schedules around themselves and what they want to do, and it was quite angering to have myself being yelled at for something I work so damn hard at. I'm guessing I've just made myself far too available to everyone and they've come to know that I'll lay back and let them stomp all over me. I guess they're used to the idea that no matter how craptastically I feel, I can still be pushed about and even then will still wait like a kicked puppy for my bit of attention.

I wish that I could turn around and disappear for a few days, or disappear randomly during the day without saying where or why so that people understood how it feels when they do it to me. But it wouldn't do anything except hurt their feelings, so why would I be so blatantly mean? I can't force myself to do it. I hate feeling like I'm a dog, but that's how I feel.

"Oh, I don't have to say where I'm going to her because the chances are she'll wait up for me all day, no matter how long I decide to be away for. So where else can I go today? What else do I want to do today? Let's see..."

Meh. I have feelings and a life, too... It may not be as glamorous or exciting as others, but my life does exist. If you're gonna be away, why not say so so I don't spend an entire night waiting for you to come back, my mood steadily lowering until I'm either angry or depressed (but usually both) and I finally give up and go to bed for the night feeling bitter.

Why do people feel like they can take advantage of me? I guess I sort of left myself open to being walked all over because I'm always afraid I'm going to hurt someone's feelings. I guess when you show that you aren't going to hurt someone's feelings, that gives them permission to hurt yours. What a lousy lot in life, y'know?

I'm tired of people taking advantage of me. I'm tired of people yelling at me because God forbid I didn't do something their way. I'm tired of people being mad at me because I try to have a life of my own.

Excuse me for not doing things the way I was obviously meant to.