Sigh.

Well, it happened again.

You would think I'd be used to it, considering it happens so much.

Yet it always upsets me just the same.

I don't like to be alone. Fortunately my best friend will be getting home soon, and I'll have someone to keep me company for a while. I've been away from being an "only child" for so long that I've forgotten how lonely it can be sometimes.

I don't understand how someone can so easily tune someone else out. Or "forget" to say they're going somewhere. Or just not bother. It feels... careless. Harsh in a way. Nearly cold. Makes me feel like I'm not worth the effort of general courtesy. I know I go on about it a lot, but it really does bother me.

Maybe I just can't let go of petty things. Maybe this whole matter is stupidly pathetic and I, in turn, am being stupidly pathetic by letting it get under my skin and affect me the way it does... because I have cried over it. Almost did tonight.

Wound up pacing about my room for a while because I couldn't think of anything else to do. Tried to go to sleep because I didn't know what else to do, but couldn't make myself do it... so I paced some more. Watched television. Stared at the ceiling. Tried to cheer myself up with MarioPaint and failed epically in the process.

Do I demand too much time? Do I demand too much attention? Do I demand too much in general? I sometimes feel like I do all of the above. I wish I weren't so clingy. So needy. So dependent. It's not fair to the people I love and care for, making them have to expend extra effort just to appease me... because then I get upset when I feel ignored.

And anytime I find myself randomly abandoned, like it feels like I was tonight, I don't know what to do with myself except curl up and wonder what I did to make the other person mad at me... to make them turn their back on me and desert me. I don't set out to make people angry. I don't set out to make people turn their backs on me. When someone turns their back on me, a little piece of me dies inside... and I only have so many pieces. It takes a really long time for me to "regrow" more pieces to kill off...

I guess I don't know what I'm saying at this point. I guess ultimately I'm confused and upset. Hurt slightly. Maybe I deserve it. Maybe I did something wrong.

Whatever it was, I'm sorry that I slipped up and did it. I didn't mean to run you away.