Restarting a Lost Project... Sort of.

So I've come to the unfortunate conclusion that I've lost my 90-page story. (I've also lost another 45-page fanfiction that I was really into.) I've been a little down about it, as I was very much into the project and it had just gotten to a good point.

While I was musing over my bad luck, I came across my 104 Story Project -- where I get 104 topics and write short stories about each. So I decided I'm going to take those two characters and use them for the 104 Story Project. In essence, I'm going to write their story through those 104 topics.

I'll probably also restart the story, and try to rebuild it from the ground up. I'm also going to restart that fanfiction I was working on.

Hopefully both will be better than the versions I lost... and hopefully I won't be so down about them.

Yeah.

I'm so uninteresting that I put people to sleep.

I'm also so damn dependent that I cry when I feel lonely.

So I managed to cry twice in one day. Remarkable.

Sometimes I'm reminded of the days where I used to talk to myself for hours on end because I thought the person on the other end was listening... only to realize that I had been tuned out hours ago.

And it kind of hurts when it happens.

The End of the Rope.

I'd write a poem, or make a lengthy speech that explains how I feel...

But I've given up trying.

A Whole Lot of Nothing.

It's going to storm in a while. I find it a little ironic because it feels like that's all my life ever does any more.

I was up until uber late last night -- 3 or so, I believe -- goofing off on emulators and listening to YouTube with a friend... It was a good time. It's nice to know that there's somebody out there who gets me and understands my quirks... I don't think that 90% of the people who claim they get me really do. I think they just say that to make me feel important, or good, or something stupid like that. Little do they know that when I find out it's a lie, they make me feel like the worst thing in the world. But hey... what can you do.

But anyway, the whole lot of nothing I was planning on writing was yet another one of my epic failures of a poem. Woohoo! So here you go, for anyone who gives a damn. If you care, then you care. If you don't, then you don't. And I no longer care either way.

Let Me Know

Let me know when you've caught on
When the realization opens your eyes.
Let me know when you're aware I'm gone
Because I failed in countless tries.

Let me know when you start to ache
And feel the pain deep in your soul...
Let me know when your heart finally breaks
Because now you'll never again be whole.

Let me know when you feel the guilt
When you realize that we're forever apart.
Let me know when your tears are spilt
Kindly inform me when sincere agony starts.

Let me know that you meant it sincere
When you used those three words so carelessly.
Let me know that you actually want me here
Instead of throwing me away so effortlessly.

Let me know when you feel like you could die
Because you've finally lost your other half...
Let me know long after I've said goodbye
That you still cling to our jointed path.

Let me know after a great passage of time
That you never meant to push me so far away.
Let me know that you've suffered for this crime
And that without me, you'll never be okay.

Let me know when you cannot sleep at night
Because you're haunted by melodies in my voice.
Let me know when all you think of is your plight
And you regret that this solution was the choice.

Let me know how much you'd do to prove to me
Just how strongly this love really affects you.
Let me know how wonderful our future is meant to be
Before you spend your eternity in tearstained hues.

Let me know how hard it's become to breathe
As I no longer know how you truly feel.
Let me know how badly you beg for the relief
And tell me if time has helped you heal.

Let me know just how badly you feel this hurt
Knowing that your feelings have been spurned.
Let me know when you find out how much it's worth...
And until then, I don't want you to return.

Yep.

A Final Declaration

Silly me for ever once believing
That such a concept was true.
Now put an end to this deceiving.
Now put an end to me and you.

I no longer want these silly notions--
All these dreams that you forgot.
So now I drown in a teardrop ocean...
Why do you even care if I'm distraught?

So go on and desert me once more
And now I hope that you never return
You're the one who slammed shut the door
Causing all this bitterness to churn.

I refused to make a single sound
When you turned and walked away
I will not make you stick around...
I don't care to make you stay.

Instead the reminders I put out of sight
And I will never again look back
It used to be a future bright
But now I'm on a different track.

I hope to God it was worth it--
That you got the satisfaction you craved
When you decided to make your exit
You decided that this could not be saved.

My only apology is that I no longer try
To keep you at my side.
Now all I do is wave a final goodbye
Because I know that we have died.

Deep down I know you'll love again
I know with time that you will heal.
Go find someone better on which to depend
And true happiness you'll one day feel.

I'll find a way to keep my distance--
I won't bother you any more--
And soon you'll forget of the existence
Of one you thought you once adored.

Believe me when I say that this is best
This sudden death, this final separation
So go on now, give your heart some rest...
To you, this is my final declaration.

I don't know what else to say.