Everything and Nothing.

I wish I could slip into a coma for the entirety of next week. As it turns out, I will literally be alone... Daddy has informed me he will be gone all week attending classes. I thought I would only be alone emotionally, but now I'm going to be alone physically, too. If I could fall into a hole and die right now, I'd jump down the pit without hesitation. The last time I felt this devastated and torn up was when my great-aunt died a few years ago, and now I have absolutely no one to console me or keep me company.

I guess it's my own fault. These next few days are going to hurt severely, I just know it.

I need to let go of my world. I've held on too tightly and both myself and my world have suffered relentless torture as a result... and I can't do it anymore. To either myself or my world. I care too much about my world and I'm tired of seeing it suffer this anguish. And I won't see it anymore... I refuse to be the reason anything suffers, no matter how attached I am. I'll force myself to break these ties because I know in the end this is what's best... for both of us...

I've turned into an abusive partner who does nothing more than demeans and insults her lover on a regular basis... and that's not right. I can't live with myself being abusive and I can't go on in a partnership where I'm causing so much pain... I can't go on being with someone who is afraid of me. Everybody deserves a chance at happiness in love, and all I'm causing is fear and pain. No more. I refuse to go on hurting someone I love. I can't cope with it anymore... I just can't...

All the misery and sorrow I'm about to feel in this upcoming week...

I deserve every ounce of it.

My only regret is that I prolonged your pain for far too long. With any luck, you'll be able to turn all the misery you felt at my hands into something more beautiful with someone who treats you the way you deserve.

No amount of apologizing will ever make the heartache I've caused you through the course of our partnership right. But do know that with every ounce of life in my body, I'm deeply sorry for all of it.

For now, I return to my lonely little corner of the world, laying alone in the darkness like I rightfully should be.

I'm so, so sorry.