Riddle Me This:

My two favorite people ever are doing badly, it seems.

Shelby's having some kind of crisis. She's not behaving at all like herself -- she's picked up smoking, is talking about experimenting with various things, and has been purposelly mean to people (she's never been that way, ever). She just doesn't seem to be herself any more.

Phil seems like he's down and out -- maybe bitter? -- about something. The past few days, I've been trying to talk to him, only to get short responses and a feeling of tension. I channel it. But if I were to ask what was wrong, I'd probably get "nothing" again. I almost always get "nothing." Then again, maybe he knows better than me when he doesn't say anything -- it's not like I'm good at cheering him up, anyway.

How can I be happy for myself and excited when my two favorite people seem so damn miserable? I feel selfish and wrong when I'm in such high spirits. I feel confused and bothered when I watch their recent behaviors. I feel so much pain and sadness when I realize there's nothing I can do for them. And often when I try to be the cheery ray of bouncy sunshine, neither of them are the least bit cheered up and I wind up sad and hopeless...

I hope both of them feel better soon. I want them back. My progress and recovery means nothing to me when both of my support columns are wobbling under other pressure. The more steps I take forward while they're in such states, the worse these steps seem to feel.

I refuse to talk about my recovery and progress any more. The more I seem to talk about it, the worse people seem to get. Besides, what's the point of being excited and proud when it only takes two minutes to have that completely smashed into the ground?

Just, damnit, get better. I'm begging you. I can't stand to see all this depression and bitterness. It hurts so much. I'd have written a poem... but I've lost the will to bother.