Fighting Pessimism; Losing Optimism.

I'm feeling so disenchanted.

So very disenchanted.

I know there's better days ahead.

Why can't I trade one of those better days with today?

So today could be better.

So I could be better equipped to handle this feeling.

I slept.

But I didn't rest.

Woke up every hour, twenty minutes after the hour.

Felt my body ache all over.

Knew I wasn't hurt.

Some things just feel stronger than others.

I'm losing my optimism, slowly.

And losing the fight against pessimism.

I can't make myself cry.

I think I've plunged beyond that point.

The feeling is there.

The will is not.

Why can't I sleep for 16 hours like I used to?

I almost miss it.