Insert Subject Here.

Sometimes I wonder. I wonder why I do some of the things that I do; why I say some of the things I say. Half the time, none of it even matters. The other half of the time, I say it all wrong.

I'm a jealous type, I've learned about myself. I don't like when I'm dating somebody, and their exes won't go away. I guess it comes from having a boyfriend who spoke with his ex all the time, and he eventually left me for her. I try so hard not to be a jealous person, but lately I've felt like my toes have been stepped on. But what does it matter? It's probably all screwed up and ruined anyway.

I spent 20 minutes today "blacked out." I vaguely remember the episode, but I clearly remember suddenly blinking my eyes and feeling like myself again. It was as if some angry spirit took a hold of my body and screwed around with me. I just didn't feel like myself... it was like watching myself from the outside of my own body, trapped in a prison of invisible, soundproof walls. But by the time I'd come back to try and correct the issue, it was a bit too late... as my luck has shown to always be.

I should've known the episode was coming. My head was swimming and I felt cold inside. I'd heard the xylophone. But I hold responsibility for my actions this evening, and I'm very much ashamed of myself.

I take my frustrations out on the wrong people. I was mad at somebody else, somebody I have no control over. Somebody that's been giving me hell for weeks on end. I turned and took it out on an innocent person... someone that I happen to hold so close to my heart it's as if they're practically connected. It's my tragic flaw, I guess.

I was trying to write a poem earlier, right before I fell out of my own body. I'm going to try to write it now.

Into Pieces

All the time,
Heard it before.
Echoing chime...
Broken core.

Pulsing heart
Upon the icy ground
Doesn't restart
Doesn't make a sound.

Globes green and red
Tragic mirror spheres
Misery has bled
In warm and salted tears.

Smiling fake
Bright and tall
Heart breaks
Destroys it all.

Standing on a stage,
Actors in a play.
Locked within a cage,
Always forced to stay.

Child, all alone
Shadows are its friend
Misery goes unknown,
Causes a tragic end.

Simple three words
To her means it all
A request unheard
Makes her slip and fall.

He cannot fight;
Away he turns
Just wasn't right
Seeing her burn.

And so she lies
In pieces true.
And so she dies...
Nothing else to do.

Put her in the grave,
Send her on her way.
She couldn't be saved,
Though she tried to stay.

A ghost she becomes
And haunts the heart
That finally succumbs
And never would restart.

The words three
Hold such a bond strong
That is broken free
When it's all gone wrong.

Shudder and shiver
Pray for a better day
Tremble and quiver
The warmth has gone away.

Red-stained letter
Wrote in icy snow
Wishes him better...
Wishes he'd know...