I was in the middle of writing this evening when I blinked and the world suddenly appeared darker. Now it feels like someone keeps poking me right above my right eye, and my head feels very heavy and cloudy... almost as if somebody's preventing me from being able to think.
It feels very peculiar. My head feels hazy and foggy, and I feel lethargic, yet when I try to channel out my thoughts, it feels like somebody grabs my skull and squeezes hard and painfully. Kind of as if somebody were telling me, "Shut up. Don't channel out. I don't want you to." It definitely feels ominous...
I've been on edge all day because of a very peculiar, very frightening thing that went on this afternoon.
I was in the process of doing my laundry, and had started my final load into the dryer. I'd set the timer for 50 minutes and started it, then wandered off to watch TV and play on the computer. After the 50 minutes, the dryer went off, but I was preoccupied... so I let the clothes sit.
Ten minutes later, I heard what sounded like the door from the laundry room to the backyard being opened and closed quietly. I heard something rustling around in there, then 10 minutes later, the dryer buzzed again.
...I'd not touched it.
I heard the rustling again, then another 20 minutes passed, and the dryer buzzed again. By now, I had a cold feeling in my stomach. I quietly crept towards the door and put my ear to the door, listening into the room.
The dryer was running. This was 2 hours after I'd initially set it. I wandered back to my seat and heard the dryer buzz again, followed by the door opening and shutting.
I finally decided to investigate what all was going on... due to my outrageous paranoia by this point, I armed myself with a large knife and proceeded into the laundry room.
The dryer was quiet, the room was empty, the door had not been bothered.
I didn't like the feeling that room was giving off to me while I was in there. It was as if something was watching me, glaring, telling me "Get out of my area NOW." So I threw my clothes into my basket and quickly left.
And now I can't seem to channel my energy, or my thoughts, outward. This highly concerns me, as it feels like somebody doesn't want me to be able to throw out my psychic distress calls if something goes awry...
I hope I'm just overreacting, but I've been scared all day today. And tomorrow will bring another day of isolation in a large, energized house.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Piece Two.
This is the second poem. Whether or not anybody bothers to read them, I don't know.
This was a very hard piece to write, as it was written about my character Lucafira. Anybody who knows her will wonder how the hell I could ever do this. I had to write this piece, because my first poem was harder to understand. Maybe this one will be better to understand.
Tragic Fall
The streets are deserted
A young pair stands alone
The island has reverted
To a land of barren stone.
She laying on the soil cold
Blood seeping from her spine
Utters quietly a message bold,
"Vengeance will be mine..."
Grabs the blades from the ground
Lunges forward without regret
Instructs him not to make a sound
Tells him never to forget...
He reaches forward with a hand
And clutches empty space
Shudders at her final stand
With terror on his face.
And there they stand in the street
The sky turns a shade of red
Because for whoever meets defeat
Sleeps in an eternal bed.
Her body shudders, needing rest
Yet she refuses to give in
Labored breathing rocks her chest
And blood streams from deep within.
And for a moment time is still
He speaks but says no words
She is going for the kill
When another voice is heard.
"Are you ready for your death?
You'll never see the day
Once you take your final breath
The demons are here to stay..."
Metal creaks and clashes
Blows roar with horrid sound,
The girl takes twenty slashes
Collapses upon the ground...
And so he rushes to her side
Vision spiraling in shades of red
Holds her head up just to find
The girl was nearly dead.
Her eyes are slowly closing
Her breathing tries to cease
The doors of death are imposing
An invite for her release.
He holds her tightly in his arms
Looks into her dying eyes
Witnesses her eternal charms
And slowly starts to cry.
She was a woman so very strong,
How could it end this way!
She has died by means so wrong
Evil hands tore her away!
His body shudders and it shakes
His heart's been torn in two
How could anybody come and take
The one he loved so true?
He rises up with blade in hand
Sets out to seek revenge
Strides emptily across the land
With a heartache to avenge.
He approaches the one he seeks
With an amethyst fire burning
Simply mocked and told he's weak,
The rage has started churning.
The taunting tears a wounded nerve
Rips his heart right from his chest
Throws it down as it deserves
And ends its relentless distress.
His eyes, once blue, turn black
As he moves through frozen space
Slashes and shreds, never looks back
With no emotion upon his face...
The soil at his feet turns rusted red
Until his strength depletes
Watches the murderer bleed from the head
Lets his death be a slow defeat.
The sword falls and hits the ground
As the lone survivor stands alone
Turns around with a whimpering sound
And lets his pain be known.
Takes his beloved in his arms
And shakes her once again
Always tried to keep her safe from harm
But failed to in the end.
Her body feels an awful chill
From the life that's gone away
He tries to keep her warm still
Trying hard to make her stay.
The boy refuses to surrender
The girl who brought him hope.
Simply now a dream to remember,
Nothing more than a pain with which to cope.
The body of a life so bold
The spirit of a girl so brave
The body now has gotten cold
The spirit could not be saved.
He holds on tightly to her hand
Lets it go and watches it fall
Makes a gentle cry when it lands
Her name he softly calls.
He carries her so delicately
Blinded by his wounded tears
Feels a pain pulse miserably
Now forced to face his fears.
But only to him is she real
Because now she's just a stone.
Nobody knows the pain he'll feel
Going through life alone.
He sits alone on a cloudy night
Staring at a wilted purple flower
That forever commemorates the sight
Of his lover's final hour.
This was a very hard piece to write, as it was written about my character Lucafira. Anybody who knows her will wonder how the hell I could ever do this. I had to write this piece, because my first poem was harder to understand. Maybe this one will be better to understand.
The streets are deserted
A young pair stands alone
The island has reverted
To a land of barren stone.
She laying on the soil cold
Blood seeping from her spine
Utters quietly a message bold,
"Vengeance will be mine..."
Grabs the blades from the ground
Lunges forward without regret
Instructs him not to make a sound
Tells him never to forget...
He reaches forward with a hand
And clutches empty space
Shudders at her final stand
With terror on his face.
And there they stand in the street
The sky turns a shade of red
Because for whoever meets defeat
Sleeps in an eternal bed.
Her body shudders, needing rest
Yet she refuses to give in
Labored breathing rocks her chest
And blood streams from deep within.
And for a moment time is still
He speaks but says no words
She is going for the kill
When another voice is heard.
"Are you ready for your death?
You'll never see the day
Once you take your final breath
The demons are here to stay..."
Metal creaks and clashes
Blows roar with horrid sound,
The girl takes twenty slashes
Collapses upon the ground...
And so he rushes to her side
Vision spiraling in shades of red
Holds her head up just to find
The girl was nearly dead.
Her eyes are slowly closing
Her breathing tries to cease
The doors of death are imposing
An invite for her release.
He holds her tightly in his arms
Looks into her dying eyes
Witnesses her eternal charms
And slowly starts to cry.
She was a woman so very strong,
How could it end this way!
She has died by means so wrong
Evil hands tore her away!
His body shudders and it shakes
His heart's been torn in two
How could anybody come and take
The one he loved so true?
He rises up with blade in hand
Sets out to seek revenge
Strides emptily across the land
With a heartache to avenge.
He approaches the one he seeks
With an amethyst fire burning
Simply mocked and told he's weak,
The rage has started churning.
The taunting tears a wounded nerve
Rips his heart right from his chest
Throws it down as it deserves
And ends its relentless distress.
His eyes, once blue, turn black
As he moves through frozen space
Slashes and shreds, never looks back
With no emotion upon his face...
The soil at his feet turns rusted red
Until his strength depletes
Watches the murderer bleed from the head
Lets his death be a slow defeat.
The sword falls and hits the ground
As the lone survivor stands alone
Turns around with a whimpering sound
And lets his pain be known.
Takes his beloved in his arms
And shakes her once again
Always tried to keep her safe from harm
But failed to in the end.
Her body feels an awful chill
From the life that's gone away
He tries to keep her warm still
Trying hard to make her stay.
The boy refuses to surrender
The girl who brought him hope.
Simply now a dream to remember,
Nothing more than a pain with which to cope.
The body of a life so bold
The spirit of a girl so brave
The body now has gotten cold
The spirit could not be saved.
He holds on tightly to her hand
Lets it go and watches it fall
Makes a gentle cry when it lands
Her name he softly calls.
He carries her so delicately
Blinded by his wounded tears
Feels a pain pulse miserably
Now forced to face his fears.
But only to him is she real
Because now she's just a stone.
Nobody knows the pain he'll feel
Going through life alone.
He sits alone on a cloudy night
Staring at a wilted purple flower
That forever commemorates the sight
Of his lover's final hour.
Insert Subject Here.
Sometimes I wonder. I wonder why I do some of the things that I do; why I say some of the things I say. Half the time, none of it even matters. The other half of the time, I say it all wrong.
I'm a jealous type, I've learned about myself. I don't like when I'm dating somebody, and their exes won't go away. I guess it comes from having a boyfriend who spoke with his ex all the time, and he eventually left me for her. I try so hard not to be a jealous person, but lately I've felt like my toes have been stepped on. But what does it matter? It's probably all screwed up and ruined anyway.
I spent 20 minutes today "blacked out." I vaguely remember the episode, but I clearly remember suddenly blinking my eyes and feeling like myself again. It was as if some angry spirit took a hold of my body and screwed around with me. I just didn't feel like myself... it was like watching myself from the outside of my own body, trapped in a prison of invisible, soundproof walls. But by the time I'd come back to try and correct the issue, it was a bit too late... as my luck has shown to always be.
I should've known the episode was coming. My head was swimming and I felt cold inside. I'd heard the xylophone. But I hold responsibility for my actions this evening, and I'm very much ashamed of myself.
I take my frustrations out on the wrong people. I was mad at somebody else, somebody I have no control over. Somebody that's been giving me hell for weeks on end. I turned and took it out on an innocent person... someone that I happen to hold so close to my heart it's as if they're practically connected. It's my tragic flaw, I guess.
I was trying to write a poem earlier, right before I fell out of my own body. I'm going to try to write it now.
Into Pieces
All the time,
Heard it before.
Echoing chime...
Broken core.
Pulsing heart
Upon the icy ground
Doesn't restart
Doesn't make a sound.
Globes green and red
Tragic mirror spheres
Misery has bled
In warm and salted tears.
Smiling fake
Bright and tall
Heart breaks
Destroys it all.
Standing on a stage,
Actors in a play.
Locked within a cage,
Always forced to stay.
Child, all alone
Shadows are its friend
Misery goes unknown,
Causes a tragic end.
Simple three words
To her means it all
A request unheard
Makes her slip and fall.
He cannot fight;
Away he turns
Just wasn't right
Seeing her burn.
And so she lies
In pieces true.
And so she dies...
Nothing else to do.
Put her in the grave,
Send her on her way.
She couldn't be saved,
Though she tried to stay.
A ghost she becomes
And haunts the heart
That finally succumbs
And never would restart.
The words three
Hold such a bond strong
That is broken free
When it's all gone wrong.
Shudder and shiver
Pray for a better day
Tremble and quiver
The warmth has gone away.
Red-stained letter
Wrote in icy snow
Wishes him better...
Wishes he'd know...
I'm a jealous type, I've learned about myself. I don't like when I'm dating somebody, and their exes won't go away. I guess it comes from having a boyfriend who spoke with his ex all the time, and he eventually left me for her. I try so hard not to be a jealous person, but lately I've felt like my toes have been stepped on. But what does it matter? It's probably all screwed up and ruined anyway.
I spent 20 minutes today "blacked out." I vaguely remember the episode, but I clearly remember suddenly blinking my eyes and feeling like myself again. It was as if some angry spirit took a hold of my body and screwed around with me. I just didn't feel like myself... it was like watching myself from the outside of my own body, trapped in a prison of invisible, soundproof walls. But by the time I'd come back to try and correct the issue, it was a bit too late... as my luck has shown to always be.
I should've known the episode was coming. My head was swimming and I felt cold inside. I'd heard the xylophone. But I hold responsibility for my actions this evening, and I'm very much ashamed of myself.
I take my frustrations out on the wrong people. I was mad at somebody else, somebody I have no control over. Somebody that's been giving me hell for weeks on end. I turned and took it out on an innocent person... someone that I happen to hold so close to my heart it's as if they're practically connected. It's my tragic flaw, I guess.
I was trying to write a poem earlier, right before I fell out of my own body. I'm going to try to write it now.
All the time,
Heard it before.
Echoing chime...
Broken core.
Pulsing heart
Upon the icy ground
Doesn't restart
Doesn't make a sound.
Globes green and red
Tragic mirror spheres
Misery has bled
In warm and salted tears.
Smiling fake
Bright and tall
Heart breaks
Destroys it all.
Standing on a stage,
Actors in a play.
Locked within a cage,
Always forced to stay.
Child, all alone
Shadows are its friend
Misery goes unknown,
Causes a tragic end.
Simple three words
To her means it all
A request unheard
Makes her slip and fall.
He cannot fight;
Away he turns
Just wasn't right
Seeing her burn.
And so she lies
In pieces true.
And so she dies...
Nothing else to do.
Put her in the grave,
Send her on her way.
She couldn't be saved,
Though she tried to stay.
A ghost she becomes
And haunts the heart
That finally succumbs
And never would restart.
The words three
Hold such a bond strong
That is broken free
When it's all gone wrong.
Shudder and shiver
Pray for a better day
Tremble and quiver
The warmth has gone away.
Red-stained letter
Wrote in icy snow
Wishes him better...
Wishes he'd know...
Friday, August 22, 2008
Second "First" Day... And Stuff.
Well, I've upgraded this morning. Normally my morning "fix" to wake me up is a caffeine-enriched soda, but Dad left me some of his coffee to try out. I had to dress it up a little bit, but it's actually not bad, and I'm sitting here with a nice cup of it. So I'm experimenting with a new morning fix. Odds are, I'll go back to my sodas, as I can pick them up at school at easy convenience.
Ah, which reminds me. This morning I'm heading in for my second "first" day of classes. Gotta love the Monday/Wednesday/Friday, Tuesday/Thursday schedule. Fortunately, my courses are in the early morning today, so I'll be out of class at 11 at the absolute latest. But since it's the first day, I'm hoping for a light day of "Here's the syllabus, now go home." One can hope!
Yesterday I got to see my geology and math professors. My geology professor is very lenient and fun-loving who has told us he never takes attendance, nor does he care if we come in late or leave early. He also said he's very prone to jumping on the tables in mid-lecture, and I'm looking very forward to it.
My math professor is crazy in the bad sense of the term. She said, "I know you people are expecting me to talk for 5 minutes and then dismiss, but I'm a bell-to-bell type of teacher. We're going to have our first quiz today!" Meh. We suffered through an introduction, syllabus, handout, and the quiz... which was, of all things, an essay. (Writing in math class? Haha, what?) After we were done, she insisted on reading us some weirdo children's book just so we couldn't leave early. But finally she showed us mercy and let us go... 15 minutes early. Worst introduction to a class ever.
Random alert!: Ever notice how people tend to write more about negative things rather than positive? Want proof? Look above.
Anyway, I've got breakfast to finish and hair to tend to. Hopefully I'll be escaping the approaching rains of Tropical Storm Fay... they're due to start in today, but they're predicting it won't get here until well after I'm out of class. God, I hope so, although I don't mind walking in the rain. Behaviors are different when people are caught in the rain, and it's fun to watch the snotty girls screech like they're melting.
Gonna be one of those days, I can feel it!
Ah, which reminds me. This morning I'm heading in for my second "first" day of classes. Gotta love the Monday/Wednesday/Friday, Tuesday/Thursday schedule. Fortunately, my courses are in the early morning today, so I'll be out of class at 11 at the absolute latest. But since it's the first day, I'm hoping for a light day of "Here's the syllabus, now go home." One can hope!
Yesterday I got to see my geology and math professors. My geology professor is very lenient and fun-loving who has told us he never takes attendance, nor does he care if we come in late or leave early. He also said he's very prone to jumping on the tables in mid-lecture, and I'm looking very forward to it.
My math professor is crazy in the bad sense of the term. She said, "I know you people are expecting me to talk for 5 minutes and then dismiss, but I'm a bell-to-bell type of teacher. We're going to have our first quiz today!" Meh. We suffered through an introduction, syllabus, handout, and the quiz... which was, of all things, an essay. (Writing in math class? Haha, what?) After we were done, she insisted on reading us some weirdo children's book just so we couldn't leave early. But finally she showed us mercy and let us go... 15 minutes early. Worst introduction to a class ever.
Random alert!: Ever notice how people tend to write more about negative things rather than positive? Want proof? Look above.
Anyway, I've got breakfast to finish and hair to tend to. Hopefully I'll be escaping the approaching rains of Tropical Storm Fay... they're due to start in today, but they're predicting it won't get here until well after I'm out of class. God, I hope so, although I don't mind walking in the rain. Behaviors are different when people are caught in the rain, and it's fun to watch the snotty girls screech like they're melting.
Gonna be one of those days, I can feel it!
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Ramblings and Prose.
Lately I've been having an issue with this "male" who keeps showing up in my dreams. He's not a nice person by any means, and I'm desperately wondering who he is. Regardless... as I wanted to better explain why I'm so afraid of him... I wrote it in a poem.
(Don't worry. There's more blogging after this piece. I do warn that it's probably a very disturbing piece, so read it at your own risk.)
A Night Terror
Upon the time she opens her eyes,
Her green eyes have turned red.
Her throat is sore from screeching cries
Erupting from her head.
She’s squirmed and she’s writhed,
She’s screamed and she’s cried
Yet she always manages to survive
After death has made its try.
The torture comes by cloak of dark
Grabs her abruptly ‘round the neck
Goes for the throat like a vicious shark
With accuracy direct.
And her eyes have opened wide
But yet she’s stricken blind
While laughter rings from he who hides
In corners of her mind.
She stares down a darkened face
Cold eyes, wicked smile on his lips…
She struggles, yet is bound in place
He touches her with piercing fingertips.
His eyes roll back in his head
As a secret in her he confides,
“Oh, dear girl, you’ll soon be dead,
For there’s nowhere for you to hide…”
A grasping force digs into her throat—
She feels her neck begin to bleed
Her rapid pulse causes her blood to coat
His hands with his evil deed…
He moves another hand down to her wrist
Plunges his horrid fingernails in
How he loves how when she resists!
When he rips into her skin…
And she cries in an agonized voice,
But there is no sound for echoes to hear…
And it seems she has no choice
Her fate has just become clear…
But then it suddenly goes away
And she’s shuddering in her bed
Another night terror comes to play
With the demons in her head…
Meh. Maybe now that I've written out this declaration about him, he'll leave me alone for a little bit. I'm tired of the nightmares.
Moving on.
Tomorrow my world turns upside down. And I know that I was a little snappy at some people this evening, and I hope they understand that it was stress, not them personally. The evening was craptastic. My stepdad took us out to dinner. The dinner was nice, but the evening rapidly deteriorated and soon enough everyone was just cranky with each other. Mom and I got into a small match with one another, and I ended up storming off crying, hoping everybody was happy.
I hate it that my moods seem to shift at the drop of a hat. It's irritating to me, and I'm sure it's irritating to even my closest companions, friends, and loved ones. Maybe one day the moods will level out and I'll be somewhat easier to maintain.
Until then, I appreciate everybody who can remain patient with me when I have my episodes. I know it's wrong, and maybe even pathetic, to say "I can't help it," but I really can't. If I could help it, I would. Thank you for the kindness, the patience, and the consolation. I'm learning to comprehend how not to cry over spilled milk.
I'm off to bed, as I'm supposed to get up early in the morning and do all the things I was too angry/bitter/depressed/upset to do tonight.
(Don't worry. There's more blogging after this piece. I do warn that it's probably a very disturbing piece, so read it at your own risk.)
Upon the time she opens her eyes,
Her green eyes have turned red.
Her throat is sore from screeching cries
Erupting from her head.
She’s squirmed and she’s writhed,
She’s screamed and she’s cried
Yet she always manages to survive
After death has made its try.
The torture comes by cloak of dark
Grabs her abruptly ‘round the neck
Goes for the throat like a vicious shark
With accuracy direct.
And her eyes have opened wide
But yet she’s stricken blind
While laughter rings from he who hides
In corners of her mind.
She stares down a darkened face
Cold eyes, wicked smile on his lips…
She struggles, yet is bound in place
He touches her with piercing fingertips.
His eyes roll back in his head
As a secret in her he confides,
“Oh, dear girl, you’ll soon be dead,
For there’s nowhere for you to hide…”
A grasping force digs into her throat—
She feels her neck begin to bleed
Her rapid pulse causes her blood to coat
His hands with his evil deed…
He moves another hand down to her wrist
Plunges his horrid fingernails in
How he loves how when she resists!
When he rips into her skin…
And she cries in an agonized voice,
But there is no sound for echoes to hear…
And it seems she has no choice
Her fate has just become clear…
But then it suddenly goes away
And she’s shuddering in her bed
Another night terror comes to play
With the demons in her head…
Meh. Maybe now that I've written out this declaration about him, he'll leave me alone for a little bit. I'm tired of the nightmares.
Moving on.
Tomorrow my world turns upside down. And I know that I was a little snappy at some people this evening, and I hope they understand that it was stress, not them personally. The evening was craptastic. My stepdad took us out to dinner. The dinner was nice, but the evening rapidly deteriorated and soon enough everyone was just cranky with each other. Mom and I got into a small match with one another, and I ended up storming off crying, hoping everybody was happy.
I hate it that my moods seem to shift at the drop of a hat. It's irritating to me, and I'm sure it's irritating to even my closest companions, friends, and loved ones. Maybe one day the moods will level out and I'll be somewhat easier to maintain.
Until then, I appreciate everybody who can remain patient with me when I have my episodes. I know it's wrong, and maybe even pathetic, to say "I can't help it," but I really can't. If I could help it, I would. Thank you for the kindness, the patience, and the consolation. I'm learning to comprehend how not to cry over spilled milk.
I'm off to bed, as I'm supposed to get up early in the morning and do all the things I was too angry/bitter/depressed/upset to do tonight.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Because I'm Prolific.
I got prolific with the poetics today. (It's because I have nothing better to blog about. I'm soooo interesting.)
Electric Rhythms
Begins with strumming light
Erupts into a furious roar
It’s a pain that nobody fights
And everyone simply craves more.
An electric stabbing in the ears
Vibration rocking the eyes
It’s a rage that nobody fears
A drug that everyone tries.
Tastes so wonderful for the soul
Comes in many different flavors
Pleases entire populations whole
So many brands to savor…
Coming through in violent waves
Or ends in gentle streams
Can make an atmosphere spiral and rave
So manipulative, it seems…
Bring forth the quakes and quivers
Cause jumping in this space!
Bring on the shakes and shivers
Shake the walls in this place!
Everybody is trapped within
The love that we all share so
For that blissfully benign sin
Of electric rhythms that we know.
Begins with strumming light
Erupts into a furious roar
It’s a pain that nobody fights
And everyone simply craves more.
An electric stabbing in the ears
Vibration rocking the eyes
It’s a rage that nobody fears
A drug that everyone tries.
Tastes so wonderful for the soul
Comes in many different flavors
Pleases entire populations whole
So many brands to savor…
Coming through in violent waves
Or ends in gentle streams
Can make an atmosphere spiral and rave
So manipulative, it seems…
Bring forth the quakes and quivers
Cause jumping in this space!
Bring on the shakes and shivers
Shake the walls in this place!
Everybody is trapped within
The love that we all share so
For that blissfully benign sin
Of electric rhythms that we know.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Scribble?
I got to thinking about it, and...
Always Connected
It’s as if there is a broken switch
Forever set at “on”
Lets her sense every little twitch,
Her empathy’s never gone.
It’s an ability most find as magic—
The ability to always know—
Yet to her it’s simply tragic,
The pain away will never go.
It comes from a hidden sensory
Detects from far away,
All the rage, pain, and misery…
It does this every day.
It relentlessly zaps the heart
Rains tears in silent cries.
Tears the feelings all apart
The smiles are all lies.
While everyone sees in black and white,
She sees it all in ultraviolet.
While her heart and mind bicker and fight—
Should she scream or be quiet?
And every day, she’ll always know
Picks up all emotions undetected
It’s a sad feeling that will never go
She always is connected.
It’s as if there is a broken switch
Forever set at “on”
Lets her sense every little twitch,
Her empathy’s never gone.
It’s an ability most find as magic—
The ability to always know—
Yet to her it’s simply tragic,
The pain away will never go.
It comes from a hidden sensory
Detects from far away,
All the rage, pain, and misery…
It does this every day.
It relentlessly zaps the heart
Rains tears in silent cries.
Tears the feelings all apart
The smiles are all lies.
While everyone sees in black and white,
She sees it all in ultraviolet.
While her heart and mind bicker and fight—
Should she scream or be quiet?
And every day, she’ll always know
Picks up all emotions undetected
It’s a sad feeling that will never go
She always is connected.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
A Really Long Survey, Because I Got Bored.
The other night, I got relatively bored... I found and old, very long, very in-depth biographical survey that you could use for creating role-play characters. So...
I did it about myself. I made all the questions feminine, and wrote about myself in the third person. (I'm weird like that.)
For anybody with the attention span... here it is.
Basic Statistics
Name: Heather Danielle Brown
Nickname(s): Dani, Luca
Age: 20
Sex: Female
Nationality: American with a bit of Irish
Birth Date: May 25, 1988
Birth Place: St. Francis Hospital, Columbus, Georgia
Current Residence: Alternates between Columbus and Newnan
Occupation: College student (Accounting/Finance major)
Hobbies/Pastimes: Playing video games, both on and off a computer (includes Mario games and Puzzle Pirates), drawing and Photoshopping, writing stories and poems, listening to music
Talents/Skills: Has an uncanny ability to recall quotes and hidden references from television shows, movies, and cartoons... and can properly insert them into normal conversation. ("Can you hurry up? I'm all outta time cards.") She is also able to "connect" to energies and otherworldly forces, and has visions in her sleep.
Birth Order: Middle of three girls (father's side); oldest of two girls (mother's side)
Family: Has an older half-sister who is 15 years older than her, an older stepbrother about 2 years older, and a younger sister 2 years younger. She has never met her stepbrother.
Past History
Hometown: Columbus, Georgia
Type of childhood: Active and occasionally unstable -- she moved several times throughout her life.
Memories/events that still affects her: Holidays with the family in her father's house.
Why/How? A lot of her family has passed away or moved away, and she misses the closeness she used to have with them.
Past failures she would be embarrassed to have people know about: Backing out of a spelling bee in 5th grade.
Why/How? She was the best speller in her class, but backed down due to severe stage fright. She knew all the correct spellings in the contest, but her class lost to her inability to participate.
Biggest role model: Her mother.
Why? She was a strong woman who never let anybody walk over her, and she always held her head high, even when times were rough.
Biggest disillusions from childhood: Innocence.
Physical Characteristics
Height: 5'5''
Weight: Undisclosed... could use some improvement.
Build: She has a small frame, but currently has it holding more than it needs. See above answer.
Skin: Medium-to-light in tone, although she can tan very well if she actually chose to.
Hair: Naturally wavy and strawberry blonde, although she straightens it and dyes it red. It's often pulled back in a ponytail and usually is no longer than shoulder-length.
Eyes: Green with a brown "starburst" in the center. One eye is a little bit larger than the other, a trait inherited from her mother.
Tattoos/Scars? None.
Glasses/Contacts? Usually wears contacts, but substitutes them with glasses on occasion. Has astigmatism.
Left/Right handed? Left-handed, although she's trying to teach herself to be ambidextrious.
Distinguishing features: She's the only female in her family without a tattoo beside her niece.
How does she dress: She loves to be comfortable rather than stylish. She's often in jeans or long shorts and a T-shirt. Has a thing for Mario-themed shirts and has no issue wearing one out in public.
Jewelry: Has two piercings in each ear, which either have pink, green, blue, and yellow earrings or silver studs. Occasionally sports large rainbow hoops or small gold hoops.
Other accessories: Tends to wear at least one video game-themed wristband on her left wrist and a watch on her right. Has a mood ring that occasionally is worn on her left thumb. Sometimes wears a necklace which consists of a silver key on a rusty-looking chain. She considers this necklace the key to who she is, and is very careful with it.
Mannerisms: She's either acting spontaneous and the center of attention, or she's off to herself observing silently. She's been referred to as "eccentric" and "crazy" in the past.
Health: She has weak lungs and has to carry an inhaler around in case of flare-ups. She also has nasty anxiety problems, which subject her to random panic attacks and night terrors. Her immune system is weaker than most, but she's otherwise rather healthy.
Speech Patterns: She's prone to using larger words in her general conversation than others, and occasionally throws out a term that needs defining. She's very prone to jump subjects in mid-sentence, as well as sprinkling in cartoon-reference quotes for fun.
Voice: She has a naturally loud voice. She thinks it's not all that feminine.
Style (Elegant, shabby, etc): She really has no one set "style," and classes herself as Undecided.
Intellectual/Mental/Personality Attributes and Attitudes
Intelligence Level: She is highly witty and intelligent, although she tends to dumb herself down as to fit in with others.
Known Languages: English and a tiny bit of Spanish
Long-term goals/desires in life: To do something that inspires others to realize that just because they're "different" doesn't make them outcasts or "weird."
Short-term goals/desires in life: Graduate college and settle her life down somewhat.
How self-confident is she? Not very. She's very quick to down herself for little things, and is very hard on herself.
How does she see herself? As someone who doesn't fit into any sort of social "label;" as someone who is just floating out in space.
How does she believe she is perceived by others? Eccentric, anti-social, weird.
How does she express herself? She expresses herself through her poetry. If she's sad or angry, a poem describing her feelings usually follows. Otherwise, she will bottle it up until it boils over and erupts.
Is she generally dominant or submissive? Despite being naturally headstrong and persuasive, she prefers to be submissive about 90% of the time. She fears her dominant side is hard to handle.
Patience level: Relatively low.
Does she seem ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof? Emotion 95%, logic 5%
How does she view life? She occasionally sees life in a fantasy-like way: She views life as a book.
How does she view death? Continuing with the above, she believes death is the end of the book.
Most at ease when: She's talking to her friends, when she's writing, or when she's listening to music.
Ill at ease when: If things are silent and still around her; when there is tension between any two people around her; when people are yelling or loud.
Describe her sense of humor: She has a strong sense of humor. Her humor is often witty, quite perverse at times, and very prone to be full of quotes and references from things she's seen on television or the internet. ("Great! I'll grab my stuff!")
Her Personality/Mental/Social Strengths: She is extremely quick-witted and sharp, with a sharper tongue. She is very caring and selfless, and loves to make people happy. She seems to have an atmosphere about her that makes people willing to trust her.
Her Personality/Mental/Social Flaws: She's quick to bash herself for little mistakes and things she can't control. She thinks of herself as a "stair case" and lets people walk all over her. She is quick to appease people to make them happy, even if she has to insult or trash herself and her beliefs.
Biggest Vulnerability (non physical): Her inability to comprehend social behaviors. Even trying to explain the situation makes her feel upset/angry/anxious/depressed.
Optimist or Pessimist: 35% Optimist, 65% pessimist.
Introvert or extrovert: 80& Introvert, 20% extrovert.
Greatest Fear: Being buried alive. The fear developed after three solid weeks of night terrors involving the concept.
Other Fears/Insecurities/Phobias: She fears tight spaces and will not stay in one; silence and darkness together will cause her to become paralyzed and panic; she's terribly afraid of bugs, rodents, and lizards and will nearly become paralyzed at the sight of one.
Peculiarities: A repetitive sound, such as the ticking of a clock, can drive her into panic. She can pick up on someone's emotions without needing to see them or be near them. She can predict how bad a thunderstorm will be with 90% accuracy. She can sing long notes and not much else. She takes her dreams VERY seriously, as most of them are predictions of things that will happen in the future. She cannot sit still and has to bounce her knee, otherwise she'll squirm uncontrollably. She has a natural talent for almost any type of video game related to the Mario brothers.
Biggest regret: Moving away from her old middle school. One of her closest friends hung herself after she moved. If she complains of hallucinating the image of somebody hanging in a corner, she's often on the verge of an emotional collapse.
Biggest accomplishment: Saving four people from suicide when she was twelve years old.
Minor accomplishments: Publishing all 140+ poems of hers to a website. Beating many of her video games with 100% accuracy. Getting into college.
Musical talents/instruments: She can't play any instruments, but tends to enjoy "voice acting." She can also sort of sing if the song is slow and moderately pitched. (e.g. The Eagles' "Desperado")
Secret desires: She secretly aspires to become a macabre poet, and hopes that her unconventional methods of poetry will inspire others to not be afraid to show their artistic edges.
Her darkest secret: An incident from childhood she refuses to confide to anybody except her closest acquaintances.
Minor Secrets: She struggled with an awful addiction to sleeping pills. She also struggled with anti-depressants, forcing herself off them after they nearly caused her to kill herself. She's actually more excitable and easier to scare than she likes to give off.
Relationships with others
Relationship Skills: She really thinks she doesn't have any, and finds new relationships to sometimes be overwhelming. She desires someone who is smart, witty, loves to be playful and funny, and someone who isn't afraid to be open about himself. Occasionally she can be a bit overbearing and smothering.
Loves: Phil
Crushes: None.
Lover(s): Phil, and him alone.
Best Friends: Aside from her two sisters, most of her best friends are from the Puzzle Pirates world and include Shroomy and Jevil.
Friends: From real life, she has a growing friendship with her little sister's friend Steve. In YPP, she has a bunch of friends, from close friends to fair-weather acquaintances.
Hates: There is one person in real life and a few people in YPP. However, she refuses to name their names due to such a strong hatred of them. All are female.
Dislikes: Nobody in particular--nobody worth specifically listing, anyway.
Rivals: None.
Pets: In real life, she has 7. 4 are cats, all male: Charlie, Snoopy, Nitro, and Romeo. 3 are dogs, two female and one male: Shasta, Max, and Cola. In YPP, she has well around 20.
Sexuality: Straight and monogamous despite seeming like a natural flirt.
How does she view other people or society? She thinks society is highly unbalanced with good and bad; intelligent and unintelligent. She tends to view society in a pessimistic, cynical manner.
Is she judgmental of others and how so? She is judgmental of people based on the way they dress or behave in public. However, she tries not to let her judgmental side interfere with her getting to know people for who they really are.
How is she perceived by...
Strangers? Probably eccentric and strange.
Friends? Crazy, rebellious, a bit of a loose cannon.
Lover? You'd have to ask him.
What happens to change this perception if at all? When her moods swing, which is frequent. She can not only cry at the drop of a hat, but can also go for the throat at the drop of a hat. She's highly emotional.
What type of people does she like or associate with? People who are light-hearted, fun-loving, intellectual, and witty. People that others normally find "weird" or "outcasts."
What type of people doesn’t she like or associate with? People who base their life around reality television, pop culture, or what the latest fashion magazines say. She likes people who can think for themselves.
What do family/friends like most about character? Probably her intellect and humor.
What do family/friends like least about character? Her emotions and their instability.
Likes/Dislikes
Likes: Music, video games, writing, drawing, word puzzles, paranormal research, meteorology, and obscure quotes/references.
Dislikes: Pop culture, styles, fashions, fads, celebrities.
Favorite:
Color: Green.
Clothing: Anything comfortable. Things with a Mario motif are a bonus.
Place: Her dad's house in Columbus.
Food: Anything spicy or anything that's chicken. She's actually very picky.
Music: Heavy metal, although anything that's fast-paced and aggressive suits her.
Song: "Living Dead Beat" or "Mask of Sanity," both by Children of Bodom
Movie: Ghost Ship, although it gives her nightmares.
Book: The Rainmaker by John Grisham. She collects all his books.
Historical figure: She's not really a history buff, so she doesn't really have one.
Animal: Birds, especially parrots and macaws.
Least Favorite:
Color: Orange
Clothing: Skirts and dressy clothes
Place: Cemeteries. She'll do anything to avoid having to be in one, due to her connections to otherworldly energies.
Food: Vegetables. (They say it's why she's so short.)
Music: Anything slow, although she can be in a mood for it.
Animal: Rodents, due to her fear of them.
Simple Pleasures: Sailing on YPP while listening to her music; writing; reading a book; laying in bed meditating.
Greater Pleasures: Hearing her love say "I love you;" when someone understands her poetry; watching her pets go about their daily routines.
Most prized possession: Her mind.
Why? No one can take it from her, and it's the best thing she has to offer.
Emotional Characteristics
Describe her sense of morals: In the criminal sense, her morals are black and white. However, when it comes to innocent mischief, her morals leave a lot to be desired.
Describe her etiquette: She doesn't tend to think before she speaks, and sometimes says the wrong thing at the wrong time. She's a bit loud at times. Her etiquette could use improvement, but she tries the best she can.
How does she act in public? Depending on the location. In school she tries to stay quiet and out of the way. With friends, however, she often is the instigator of trouble.
How does she act at home? However she likes, whenever she likes.
How has she most changed from childhood? She used to be quite selfish and mean in her childhood.
How has she remained the same? She's always marched to the beat of her own drum, and probably will until her death. She prides herself on her individuality.
How does this character deal with or react to:
Anger: Tries to store it up, but often takes it out on the wrong person by mistake. Her anger usually boils out in a single, explosive, violent outburst. Long gaps in her conversation can be a sign that she's angry.
Sadness: She also tries very hard to make sure nobody notices her sadness, but usually fails. She'll deny it until it becomes undeniable, and then proceed to abuse herself for her sorrows. If she talks with a lot of periods or seems short in response, it's a red flag that she's depressed or bothered.
Conflict/Danger: Depending on the situation, she will either panic or take charge of the scenario. If someone close to her is more afraid than she is, she oftens gains the missing courage from her friend. She has stood up to her paralyzing fear of rodents in the past to calm down her mother.
Fear: Usually handles it by freezing up or shuddering, though occasionally she can channel it into something more productive. More often than not, though, she'll become paralyzed.
Change: She is very habitual and doesn't like change that much.
Loss: She takes losses very hard, especially if they are her family or loved ones. She has a great deal of difficulty overcoming these losses. For instance, after 6 years since her grandmother's passing, she still cannot look into the jewelry box left behind.
Homosexuality: So long as it's not forced upon her, she is very tolerant of it.
Pain: She has a high tolerance for pain. What most people would consider a 10 on a 1-10 scale, she'd consider a 2. She'll hide her pain or sickness until it's almost too late. Wincing or silence is a sign of soreness.
Stress/Pressure: Stress easily takes its toll on her, making her irritable or anti-social. Again, she tends not to tell anybody that she's under pressure.
Guilt: Guilt devastates her and can send her spiraling into prolonged episodes of depression. She'll down herself and bash herself until there's nothing left.
Being wrong: While she doesn't seem to like being wrong, she'll accept that it's probably true.
Being criticized: Occasionally takes it the wrong way and gets very snippy in response.
Praise: Often nitpicks it and looks for a loophole, due to her self-confidence issues.
Love: She finds no greater joy in life than giving and receiving love and affection.
Being hated: She seems to find some strange joy in being hated, and will do anything to reinforce the reason someone hates her.
Public Humiliation: She always points out where she does something stupid in public, and doesn't believe public humiliation could really happen to her.
What does she want out of life? To be appreciated and respected for who she is and what she decides to do with herself. She also wants to pass along the feelings to anyone else who may be in her situation.
What would she like to change in her life? Where she lives, as it's nowhere near close enough.
What motivates her? Having someone behind her to support her.
Why? She wants to make people happy and proud of her.
What discourages her? Criticism.
Why? She takes it harder than she should.
What most describes her personality? An emotional loose cannon. A quiet rebel.
Spiritual Characteristics
Religion: Christianity, baptist.
Does she believe in a god or goddess? Yes.
What are her spiritual beliefs? If you are good and believe in God, then you will go to heaven upon your death.
Is religion or spirituality a part of her life? Slightly.
If so, what role does it play? She tries to treat everybody as they should be treated... provided they do the same in return.
Superstitions: She's a firm believer that ghosts exist, due to having many encounters over the course of her life. She doesn't really believe much in luck.
I did it about myself. I made all the questions feminine, and wrote about myself in the third person. (I'm weird like that.)
For anybody with the attention span... here it is.
Name: Heather Danielle Brown
Nickname(s): Dani, Luca
Age: 20
Sex: Female
Nationality: American with a bit of Irish
Birth Date: May 25, 1988
Birth Place: St. Francis Hospital, Columbus, Georgia
Current Residence: Alternates between Columbus and Newnan
Occupation: College student (Accounting/Finance major)
Hobbies/Pastimes: Playing video games, both on and off a computer (includes Mario games and Puzzle Pirates), drawing and Photoshopping, writing stories and poems, listening to music
Talents/Skills: Has an uncanny ability to recall quotes and hidden references from television shows, movies, and cartoons... and can properly insert them into normal conversation. ("Can you hurry up? I'm all outta time cards.") She is also able to "connect" to energies and otherworldly forces, and has visions in her sleep.
Birth Order: Middle of three girls (father's side); oldest of two girls (mother's side)
Family: Has an older half-sister who is 15 years older than her, an older stepbrother about 2 years older, and a younger sister 2 years younger. She has never met her stepbrother.
Hometown: Columbus, Georgia
Type of childhood: Active and occasionally unstable -- she moved several times throughout her life.
Memories/events that still affects her: Holidays with the family in her father's house.
Why/How? A lot of her family has passed away or moved away, and she misses the closeness she used to have with them.
Past failures she would be embarrassed to have people know about: Backing out of a spelling bee in 5th grade.
Why/How? She was the best speller in her class, but backed down due to severe stage fright. She knew all the correct spellings in the contest, but her class lost to her inability to participate.
Biggest role model: Her mother.
Why? She was a strong woman who never let anybody walk over her, and she always held her head high, even when times were rough.
Biggest disillusions from childhood: Innocence.
Height: 5'5''
Weight: Undisclosed... could use some improvement.
Build: She has a small frame, but currently has it holding more than it needs. See above answer.
Skin: Medium-to-light in tone, although she can tan very well if she actually chose to.
Hair: Naturally wavy and strawberry blonde, although she straightens it and dyes it red. It's often pulled back in a ponytail and usually is no longer than shoulder-length.
Eyes: Green with a brown "starburst" in the center. One eye is a little bit larger than the other, a trait inherited from her mother.
Tattoos/Scars? None.
Glasses/Contacts? Usually wears contacts, but substitutes them with glasses on occasion. Has astigmatism.
Left/Right handed? Left-handed, although she's trying to teach herself to be ambidextrious.
Distinguishing features: She's the only female in her family without a tattoo beside her niece.
How does she dress: She loves to be comfortable rather than stylish. She's often in jeans or long shorts and a T-shirt. Has a thing for Mario-themed shirts and has no issue wearing one out in public.
Jewelry: Has two piercings in each ear, which either have pink, green, blue, and yellow earrings or silver studs. Occasionally sports large rainbow hoops or small gold hoops.
Other accessories: Tends to wear at least one video game-themed wristband on her left wrist and a watch on her right. Has a mood ring that occasionally is worn on her left thumb. Sometimes wears a necklace which consists of a silver key on a rusty-looking chain. She considers this necklace the key to who she is, and is very careful with it.
Mannerisms: She's either acting spontaneous and the center of attention, or she's off to herself observing silently. She's been referred to as "eccentric" and "crazy" in the past.
Health: She has weak lungs and has to carry an inhaler around in case of flare-ups. She also has nasty anxiety problems, which subject her to random panic attacks and night terrors. Her immune system is weaker than most, but she's otherwise rather healthy.
Speech Patterns: She's prone to using larger words in her general conversation than others, and occasionally throws out a term that needs defining. She's very prone to jump subjects in mid-sentence, as well as sprinkling in cartoon-reference quotes for fun.
Voice: She has a naturally loud voice. She thinks it's not all that feminine.
Style (Elegant, shabby, etc): She really has no one set "style," and classes herself as Undecided.
Intelligence Level: She is highly witty and intelligent, although she tends to dumb herself down as to fit in with others.
Known Languages: English and a tiny bit of Spanish
Long-term goals/desires in life: To do something that inspires others to realize that just because they're "different" doesn't make them outcasts or "weird."
Short-term goals/desires in life: Graduate college and settle her life down somewhat.
How self-confident is she? Not very. She's very quick to down herself for little things, and is very hard on herself.
How does she see herself? As someone who doesn't fit into any sort of social "label;" as someone who is just floating out in space.
How does she believe she is perceived by others? Eccentric, anti-social, weird.
How does she express herself? She expresses herself through her poetry. If she's sad or angry, a poem describing her feelings usually follows. Otherwise, she will bottle it up until it boils over and erupts.
Is she generally dominant or submissive? Despite being naturally headstrong and persuasive, she prefers to be submissive about 90% of the time. She fears her dominant side is hard to handle.
Patience level: Relatively low.
Does she seem ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof? Emotion 95%, logic 5%
How does she view life? She occasionally sees life in a fantasy-like way: She views life as a book.
How does she view death? Continuing with the above, she believes death is the end of the book.
Most at ease when: She's talking to her friends, when she's writing, or when she's listening to music.
Ill at ease when: If things are silent and still around her; when there is tension between any two people around her; when people are yelling or loud.
Describe her sense of humor: She has a strong sense of humor. Her humor is often witty, quite perverse at times, and very prone to be full of quotes and references from things she's seen on television or the internet. ("Great! I'll grab my stuff!")
Her Personality/Mental/Social Strengths: She is extremely quick-witted and sharp, with a sharper tongue. She is very caring and selfless, and loves to make people happy. She seems to have an atmosphere about her that makes people willing to trust her.
Her Personality/Mental/Social Flaws: She's quick to bash herself for little mistakes and things she can't control. She thinks of herself as a "stair case" and lets people walk all over her. She is quick to appease people to make them happy, even if she has to insult or trash herself and her beliefs.
Biggest Vulnerability (non physical): Her inability to comprehend social behaviors. Even trying to explain the situation makes her feel upset/angry/anxious/depressed.
Optimist or Pessimist: 35% Optimist, 65% pessimist.
Introvert or extrovert: 80& Introvert, 20% extrovert.
Greatest Fear: Being buried alive. The fear developed after three solid weeks of night terrors involving the concept.
Other Fears/Insecurities/Phobias: She fears tight spaces and will not stay in one; silence and darkness together will cause her to become paralyzed and panic; she's terribly afraid of bugs, rodents, and lizards and will nearly become paralyzed at the sight of one.
Peculiarities: A repetitive sound, such as the ticking of a clock, can drive her into panic. She can pick up on someone's emotions without needing to see them or be near them. She can predict how bad a thunderstorm will be with 90% accuracy. She can sing long notes and not much else. She takes her dreams VERY seriously, as most of them are predictions of things that will happen in the future. She cannot sit still and has to bounce her knee, otherwise she'll squirm uncontrollably. She has a natural talent for almost any type of video game related to the Mario brothers.
Biggest regret: Moving away from her old middle school. One of her closest friends hung herself after she moved. If she complains of hallucinating the image of somebody hanging in a corner, she's often on the verge of an emotional collapse.
Biggest accomplishment: Saving four people from suicide when she was twelve years old.
Minor accomplishments: Publishing all 140+ poems of hers to a website. Beating many of her video games with 100% accuracy. Getting into college.
Musical talents/instruments: She can't play any instruments, but tends to enjoy "voice acting." She can also sort of sing if the song is slow and moderately pitched. (e.g. The Eagles' "Desperado")
Secret desires: She secretly aspires to become a macabre poet, and hopes that her unconventional methods of poetry will inspire others to not be afraid to show their artistic edges.
Her darkest secret: An incident from childhood she refuses to confide to anybody except her closest acquaintances.
Minor Secrets: She struggled with an awful addiction to sleeping pills. She also struggled with anti-depressants, forcing herself off them after they nearly caused her to kill herself. She's actually more excitable and easier to scare than she likes to give off.
Relationship Skills: She really thinks she doesn't have any, and finds new relationships to sometimes be overwhelming. She desires someone who is smart, witty, loves to be playful and funny, and someone who isn't afraid to be open about himself. Occasionally she can be a bit overbearing and smothering.
Loves: Phil
Crushes: None.
Lover(s): Phil, and him alone.
Best Friends: Aside from her two sisters, most of her best friends are from the Puzzle Pirates world and include Shroomy and Jevil.
Friends: From real life, she has a growing friendship with her little sister's friend Steve. In YPP, she has a bunch of friends, from close friends to fair-weather acquaintances.
Hates: There is one person in real life and a few people in YPP. However, she refuses to name their names due to such a strong hatred of them. All are female.
Dislikes: Nobody in particular--nobody worth specifically listing, anyway.
Rivals: None.
Pets: In real life, she has 7. 4 are cats, all male: Charlie, Snoopy, Nitro, and Romeo. 3 are dogs, two female and one male: Shasta, Max, and Cola. In YPP, she has well around 20.
Sexuality: Straight and monogamous despite seeming like a natural flirt.
How does she view other people or society? She thinks society is highly unbalanced with good and bad; intelligent and unintelligent. She tends to view society in a pessimistic, cynical manner.
Is she judgmental of others and how so? She is judgmental of people based on the way they dress or behave in public. However, she tries not to let her judgmental side interfere with her getting to know people for who they really are.
How is she perceived by...
Strangers? Probably eccentric and strange.
Friends? Crazy, rebellious, a bit of a loose cannon.
Lover? You'd have to ask him.
What happens to change this perception if at all? When her moods swing, which is frequent. She can not only cry at the drop of a hat, but can also go for the throat at the drop of a hat. She's highly emotional.
What type of people does she like or associate with? People who are light-hearted, fun-loving, intellectual, and witty. People that others normally find "weird" or "outcasts."
What type of people doesn’t she like or associate with? People who base their life around reality television, pop culture, or what the latest fashion magazines say. She likes people who can think for themselves.
What do family/friends like most about character? Probably her intellect and humor.
What do family/friends like least about character? Her emotions and their instability.
Likes: Music, video games, writing, drawing, word puzzles, paranormal research, meteorology, and obscure quotes/references.
Dislikes: Pop culture, styles, fashions, fads, celebrities.
Favorite:
Color: Green.
Clothing: Anything comfortable. Things with a Mario motif are a bonus.
Place: Her dad's house in Columbus.
Food: Anything spicy or anything that's chicken. She's actually very picky.
Music: Heavy metal, although anything that's fast-paced and aggressive suits her.
Song: "Living Dead Beat" or "Mask of Sanity," both by Children of Bodom
Movie: Ghost Ship, although it gives her nightmares.
Book: The Rainmaker by John Grisham. She collects all his books.
Historical figure: She's not really a history buff, so she doesn't really have one.
Animal: Birds, especially parrots and macaws.
Least Favorite:
Color: Orange
Clothing: Skirts and dressy clothes
Place: Cemeteries. She'll do anything to avoid having to be in one, due to her connections to otherworldly energies.
Food: Vegetables. (They say it's why she's so short.)
Music: Anything slow, although she can be in a mood for it.
Animal: Rodents, due to her fear of them.
Simple Pleasures: Sailing on YPP while listening to her music; writing; reading a book; laying in bed meditating.
Greater Pleasures: Hearing her love say "I love you;" when someone understands her poetry; watching her pets go about their daily routines.
Most prized possession: Her mind.
Why? No one can take it from her, and it's the best thing she has to offer.
Describe her sense of morals: In the criminal sense, her morals are black and white. However, when it comes to innocent mischief, her morals leave a lot to be desired.
Describe her etiquette: She doesn't tend to think before she speaks, and sometimes says the wrong thing at the wrong time. She's a bit loud at times. Her etiquette could use improvement, but she tries the best she can.
How does she act in public? Depending on the location. In school she tries to stay quiet and out of the way. With friends, however, she often is the instigator of trouble.
How does she act at home? However she likes, whenever she likes.
How has she most changed from childhood? She used to be quite selfish and mean in her childhood.
How has she remained the same? She's always marched to the beat of her own drum, and probably will until her death. She prides herself on her individuality.
How does this character deal with or react to:
Anger: Tries to store it up, but often takes it out on the wrong person by mistake. Her anger usually boils out in a single, explosive, violent outburst. Long gaps in her conversation can be a sign that she's angry.
Sadness: She also tries very hard to make sure nobody notices her sadness, but usually fails. She'll deny it until it becomes undeniable, and then proceed to abuse herself for her sorrows. If she talks with a lot of periods or seems short in response, it's a red flag that she's depressed or bothered.
Conflict/Danger: Depending on the situation, she will either panic or take charge of the scenario. If someone close to her is more afraid than she is, she oftens gains the missing courage from her friend. She has stood up to her paralyzing fear of rodents in the past to calm down her mother.
Fear: Usually handles it by freezing up or shuddering, though occasionally she can channel it into something more productive. More often than not, though, she'll become paralyzed.
Change: She is very habitual and doesn't like change that much.
Loss: She takes losses very hard, especially if they are her family or loved ones. She has a great deal of difficulty overcoming these losses. For instance, after 6 years since her grandmother's passing, she still cannot look into the jewelry box left behind.
Homosexuality: So long as it's not forced upon her, she is very tolerant of it.
Pain: She has a high tolerance for pain. What most people would consider a 10 on a 1-10 scale, she'd consider a 2. She'll hide her pain or sickness until it's almost too late. Wincing or silence is a sign of soreness.
Stress/Pressure: Stress easily takes its toll on her, making her irritable or anti-social. Again, she tends not to tell anybody that she's under pressure.
Guilt: Guilt devastates her and can send her spiraling into prolonged episodes of depression. She'll down herself and bash herself until there's nothing left.
Being wrong: While she doesn't seem to like being wrong, she'll accept that it's probably true.
Being criticized: Occasionally takes it the wrong way and gets very snippy in response.
Praise: Often nitpicks it and looks for a loophole, due to her self-confidence issues.
Love: She finds no greater joy in life than giving and receiving love and affection.
Being hated: She seems to find some strange joy in being hated, and will do anything to reinforce the reason someone hates her.
Public Humiliation: She always points out where she does something stupid in public, and doesn't believe public humiliation could really happen to her.
What does she want out of life? To be appreciated and respected for who she is and what she decides to do with herself. She also wants to pass along the feelings to anyone else who may be in her situation.
What would she like to change in her life? Where she lives, as it's nowhere near close enough.
What motivates her? Having someone behind her to support her.
Why? She wants to make people happy and proud of her.
What discourages her? Criticism.
Why? She takes it harder than she should.
What most describes her personality? An emotional loose cannon. A quiet rebel.
Religion: Christianity, baptist.
Does she believe in a god or goddess? Yes.
What are her spiritual beliefs? If you are good and believe in God, then you will go to heaven upon your death.
Is religion or spirituality a part of her life? Slightly.
If so, what role does it play? She tries to treat everybody as they should be treated... provided they do the same in return.
Superstitions: She's a firm believer that ghosts exist, due to having many encounters over the course of her life. She doesn't really believe much in luck.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
While Waiting for FictionPress.
Just something I wrote out today... I'm putting it here while I wait on FictionPress to update.
It’s Okay
written August 14, 2008
Sits off in a dark corner of reality
And stares into a wall that’s blank
Rejected by the whole of society
And has only herself to thank.
But it’s okay, she declares
It’s fine to be so bitter and cold
It’s okay—she no longer cares
Silence and heartache never grow old.
Friends she had were pushed away
Because of this need to hate
All alone she’ll always stay…
Anger causes such a bitter taste.
Harder is the venom’s sting
When it hits a wounded nerve.
Pain is what the feelings bring
When you get what you deserve.
The tears that well within her eyes—
They’re always there.
The sobs she suppresses, all the cries—
No one ever knows she cares.
But don’t you know that it’s okay?
It’s fine to make her sad.
She tells herself this every day:
It’s okay to feel this bad…
written August 14, 2008
Sits off in a dark corner of reality
And stares into a wall that’s blank
Rejected by the whole of society
And has only herself to thank.
But it’s okay, she declares
It’s fine to be so bitter and cold
It’s okay—she no longer cares
Silence and heartache never grow old.
Friends she had were pushed away
Because of this need to hate
All alone she’ll always stay…
Anger causes such a bitter taste.
Harder is the venom’s sting
When it hits a wounded nerve.
Pain is what the feelings bring
When you get what you deserve.
The tears that well within her eyes—
They’re always there.
The sobs she suppresses, all the cries—
No one ever knows she cares.
But don’t you know that it’s okay?
It’s fine to make her sad.
She tells herself this every day:
It’s okay to feel this bad…
Thursday, August 7, 2008
A Hormonal, Moody Rant
Apparently I have some sort of hidden cue to everybody that says, "Hey! Dani's feeling like crap today! Go pick on her!" Every single time I'm down in the gutter, everybody else decides to go into the gutter, too, and lecture me about how "you're so moody all the time."
Grah!
I woke up today feeling like crap after having a peculiar dream. Not that it matters, but it was a dream about being trapped in a murder scene that turned out to be my own... so, in essence, I was a ghost. Waking up from that kinda dream is not fun... but I woke up with my whole body hurting and me feeling mildly sick.
I spent most of the day stumbling about with horrible stomach pains, a headache, and general feeling like crap. I went to try to talk to my sister when she finally came home, but she was busy talking online to a friend. I wasn't gonna blame her... she and this girl have been friends for over six years. So I went downstairs to eat dinner to find that my parents had eaten without me and left me the leftovers. Fortunately I wasn't that hungry anyway, so I had six bites of dinner and was done.
I wrote a little bit, then went downstairs to try for socializing and a snack, as I'd gotten hungry again. Instead my sister decides it's going to be piss off Dani day... she succeeded. I was about ready to throw something at her, and she found it amusing. My stepdad decided to let me and my sister also know how lazy and disgusting we are... Mom wanted us to clean our bathroom... Which I always have to do... my sister says she'll do it tomorrow, but I have a feeling I'll end up doing it... y'know, scrubbing, sweeping, and inhaling bleach into my lungs. Mmhmm, yeah. She laughed at me all the way to her room.
And because I decided to put up the freshly dried dishes from the dishwasher, I burned eight of my ten fingers because I was irritated.
Why can't you people pick on me when I'm not feeling like crawling under a rock? Curse you all... T.T
Grah!
I woke up today feeling like crap after having a peculiar dream. Not that it matters, but it was a dream about being trapped in a murder scene that turned out to be my own... so, in essence, I was a ghost. Waking up from that kinda dream is not fun... but I woke up with my whole body hurting and me feeling mildly sick.
I spent most of the day stumbling about with horrible stomach pains, a headache, and general feeling like crap. I went to try to talk to my sister when she finally came home, but she was busy talking online to a friend. I wasn't gonna blame her... she and this girl have been friends for over six years. So I went downstairs to eat dinner to find that my parents had eaten without me and left me the leftovers. Fortunately I wasn't that hungry anyway, so I had six bites of dinner and was done.
I wrote a little bit, then went downstairs to try for socializing and a snack, as I'd gotten hungry again. Instead my sister decides it's going to be piss off Dani day... she succeeded. I was about ready to throw something at her, and she found it amusing. My stepdad decided to let me and my sister also know how lazy and disgusting we are... Mom wanted us to clean our bathroom... Which I always have to do... my sister says she'll do it tomorrow, but I have a feeling I'll end up doing it... y'know, scrubbing, sweeping, and inhaling bleach into my lungs. Mmhmm, yeah. She laughed at me all the way to her room.
And because I decided to put up the freshly dried dishes from the dishwasher, I burned eight of my ten fingers because I was irritated.
Why can't you people pick on me when I'm not feeling like crawling under a rock? Curse you all... T.T
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