The World's Worst.

I say all the wrong things.

How come I take things out on the people I love? How come I make them feel like crap, then make it their faults that they feel that way?

It's no wonder I have no friends and can't maintain a relationship of any kind... I'm more abusive than I think I am.

I should never have crawled out of my hole this morning. Instead I should've put a rock over my hole and died in it. Instead I crawled out and hurt two very important people. Two people who are very close to me and mean the world to me.

Why can't I show them how much they mean to me? How come instead of showing them how important they are, I make them feel like crap and hurt them? What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm the world's worst. World's worst daughter, sister, lover, friend... you name it, I fail at it. Anyone familiar with Linkin Park's song "Given Up?" Yep. That's me.

I get angry at myself, so I turn my pain towards others. I'm pitiful. I'm an abusive soul who never should have been allowed to hurt others. I should never be allowed to make friends. I should never be allowed to trick people into loving me. I deserve no affections. I run them all away.

I want to turn back time. I want to have never said what I said. I want to instead done as I should have. I want to prove that I'm not as nasty as I've proven myself to be.

So I apologize. With all my heart, I apologize. I'm heartless. I'm rude and I'm wrong. I'm hateful, hurtful, mean, and selfish. I don't know how in the world I convinced anybody to put their faith in me... I never deserved it. There's a whole side of me nobody ever sees... and it's slowly coming to the surface. I'm sorry. So sorry. I took those angry blades and I stabbed you all instead. I've failed you all, and I am so, so sorry.

I'm crawling back into my hole... gonna stay there until I learn how to act like a human, not some sort of disgustingly heartless creature. I deserve every single tear that runs down my face right now. I deserve every ounce of pain I'm feeling in my chest. I'm going to crawl in my hole, put the rock over it, and refuse to come back until I've learned.

Take care until I've bothered to realize what kind of hideous person I truly am to the people who mean the most to me.








I love you, even if I don't deserve you.